dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
