If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
