Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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