just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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