i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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