i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
