oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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