Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize