I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
