I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
