Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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