Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
