I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
