I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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