what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
time to smoke my breakfast
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
