Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
