I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
