so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize