While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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