I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
