my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
