I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
