you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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