It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
