maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
