like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
