He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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