Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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