The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
