so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
