I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
