I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
