meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
