toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
