WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
