My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
