rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize