I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
