Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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