hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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