I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
