She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
