I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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