I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
