Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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