So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize