the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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