WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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