I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
