I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
