no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You are a genius and a whore.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
