Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
