I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
