another moral hangover. fuck.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
