im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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