Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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