Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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