Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
