The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
