How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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