What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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