He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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