at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
