I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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